couples therapy

I have been watching this show that has to deal with celebrities dealing with there personal issues and it sparked a thought about me and my husband.

we are currently going on 9 years total and 5 years married and 4 years dating of and on and we are not a perfect couple and i'm pretty sure that others think that we might be but we are no where near that.
We have been through many things together and I am proud to say that i wouldn't of wanted to go  through it with any one else he is my best friend my right hand man my lover and best of all my life long partner. I love to say that in many ways the things we have gone through have made us completely know each others in's and out's but we don't we are still learning and growing together like I would assume many other couples are even after 20 + years of being married. I know I wish I could say that when we reach that many years of marriage but one thing I can say that I am proud of me and him got the opportunity to work out all of bads and goods and become a better couple with one another and now  with how far we have come I am happy that god has allowed us to have this opportunity to be parents after being able to go through what we went through before getting forced to be married and forced to be with one another due to us having gotten pregnant. Like many of our friends they all had children at a young age all got married at a young age and most of them are still currently together which is great I wouldn't wish anything else on them. But one negative thing that I think is something that I would never have wanted to go through is what they have endured while having there children.

beign polynesian and in a world where the past still runs most of our parents lives till this day and don't get me wrong I know alot of it has to do with culture but there are positives and negatives thoughts that I have about that. My friends and there lives were turned up side down when they got pregnant and then told that they had to get married a lot of them were with there significant other for quite a while and others where only together for at the most 2 yrs which im not saying is wrong just in my eyes fast. But like I always say things happen  for a reason and there was a reason why they were brought together maybe it was just to have there kids and then move on in life or maybe it was to have kids and learn at the same time but to me they have struggled a lot more then me and my husband did due to the fact that they had kids while learning and growing together which again I say is not a bad thing just as I would put it a struggle. But it also gave me an eye opener as to why I wasn't given that opportunity also I think that with the things me and my husband went through we would of split up and just raised our children in separate  homes which I would of personally not have liked. I am truly blessed to have such a great man that has a wonderful patients and a great heart and has not given up on me through all the hell that I  have put him through and definitely all the hell he has put me through we are still in love and happy and I pray that heavenly father still continues to bless us and helps us through our many differences. with that said I hope that every ones relations ships have been and still are blessed. smile always

Till next time ,

 Hokulani

Hey, Hey , hey VLOGGING

Good afternoon ,

I just wanted to say that for a while now like say maybe 2 years now I have been wanting to start a vlog and I can never find the courage or strength to do it. Which is why I started blogging it was a way for me to get out there and talk about what I wanted to talk about with out being really insecure about my voice my looks exct. So when I started this I never knew the out come it would have and what it was like and at first I was scared and I was insecure but I did it any way and I made it privet and unsearchable just until recently like literally 3 to 4 days ago I said hey look at my views and how many people are actually looking at this and so it gave me sort of a drive to open up my blogs and see what happens and I love the out come but honestly I still really want to get on you tube and vlog because to me I can say so much more with out hurting my hands to much . hahahahaha but yea I just might do it the channels I watch are not anything I would vlog about because it is mainly beauty channels and I love make up and beauty just as much as the next girl but I don't know enough I think to do a vlog on that. But one thing I love is D.I.Y's and I am seriously considering that as a vlog of mine and also a subject that  I am really knowledgable about is PCOS and I will be doing one on that also cause all the ones I watch is really just things that are discouraging and yes PCOS is a negative in alot of ways but there are things you can do to help and change that and I want to give courage not discourage so hopefully I will find my own self esteem and courage to do one on that subject especially.

But for now I hope people come to read my blogs and find some strength and courage and also happiness with in them cause just seeing my views even though I don't get followers has given me alot more courage then anyone may think.

So thanks for at least coming to view my page and looking through it :) It  makes me smile even more day by day...


Till next time loves,

 Hokulani

My journey never ended

Hi, 

 I just would like to start off by saying that I have always had a knack for starting things and never continuing them . But I am back in action and with lots to say and talk about!! 

So where to start I have recently just quit my job of 6 months more like a personal leave of absence and for a very good reason I must say. But not to get to far ahead of my self let me start out by starting from where i left off... FEB 2012 practically a year and a half ago.

So I never found a job until a month after I had stopped blogging which was in march of 2012,

I was so excited to get my life back into order and  be able to move out and live my life with just me and my husband YEAYEEE!! Finally I was excited and anxious at the same time and didn't know what to do with all of it but as usual my life had a different direction for me. I was employed at Deseret Industries for about a year until they had helped me find my current job I just left. back on track within that year alot had happened to me to my family and I just didn't know what to do with all my emotions and didn't know how to take in all the things that have happened to me. 

My husband after trying for so long finally got into the job that he was wanting for a very long time since he was able to work. He became employed as an accessory shop worker for Sky West Airlines!!

Oh my can I just tell you once I found out he got the job I was extremely excited I was like finally we are moving forward in our lives and getting somewhere I got my job and he got a better paying job. So moving out was definitely going to be our next move in life.

But instead our heavenly father had a different direction for us again. 

We ended up not moving out and still haven't but after him getting employed last august we just payed bills and lived like we could and then to my surprise  I thought that we were or at least I was going to be bringing in 2013 with a bang but turned out that a person whom I thought was family and another person whom I thought was a bff or at least a close friend became enemies and disowned really quick.

I have always been the type of girl who would make friends and keep them and then only have a fist full of bff's but when I came across a girl that became a bestie per say my life changed even more then I wanted it to we started being friends around I think like 2010 no issues till I introduced her to my at the time sister but really was a sister in law but we were so close that we were practically sisters. I had introduced them and then one day there were making conversation about things I have told one but not the other but honestly till this day I still believe that I was not talking bad I was just venting. Any way  then from then on me and my at the time sister just completely stopped talking.

And as of now we no longer say anything to one another I just get ugly looks from her when she see's me but that is also due to other circumstances that occurred between my ex sister in law (which was her biological sister) and my brother. but after that we ended up making up and started talking again and became close again and again I figured I could say something with out being put on a pedestal  by her so one night I told her sister in law just to look out for this dance teacher that she was being taught by because she was drama and had drama causing issues and word got out which I didn't mind but some how word got back to my so called bff and she decided wtf I how could she, why would she say those things.. and believed every word a lady she barely knew instead of confiding in me and asking me what I said and what happed so again we had drama again and omg was I done and annoyed but I decided that I should go and talk to the girl like 2 months later and apologize and see what happens again and go from there . Ok I know this was a long story but i had to tell it to get to the bringing in the 2013 Yeayeee! not really.

So between Aug-Dec we were having like some kind of stupid issues between me, her and this other girl whom I became real close with and I love her to death she is one of the most kind hearted and loving people I have ever met. sorry any way we were going through things and only with her was it bad she would get mad at the littlest things and become jealous and not talk to me for a few days then call me and say I need to talk to you I was getting super sick of it cause one I was being me and she wasn't liking it and 2 this would be the third time with in 2 stinking years that there was yet drama between me and her. So come Jan I  was done cause I had sometime last year 2012 had introduced my cousin to her and she was part of the reason we were having drama again. And I was like great another issue involving a third person. so in the months of Jan-Mar me and my cousin were of and on arguing and then make up and finally all our arguing turned into a fist fight  which is totally dumb but all because I let other people control my life and that girl was but also I was not happy with my cousin still being friends with my ex friend/enemy so all of that led to me completely cutting her out of my life and disowning my cousin.

And as of now me and that girl will never be friends again and my cousin is no longer a cousin and year that is what ended up bringing in my new 2013 yr yeayee me lol. but finally in the month of april all that drama finally started settling down cause my cousin had moved back out of salt lake. And I never heard anything every again. SUPER STOKED!!!! omg.

And then I was offically able to move on with my life one good thing happened in january though the company I was nearly working for a year for helped me find another job a good paying one and I started in january of 2013 and then me and my husband in Feb started looking for a home. We had found two but bid on them and did not get chosen and I knew something else was in store for our lives and in april we had had a big issue that could of lead my husband to be put in jail. And out of a job so I knew then why we didn't get the homes we wanted.

But something good had come out of that issue and it was me and him changing our lives around drastically like a complete 360 degrees we both decided to stop drinking and I started going back to church (have currently been back since may and still attending and i love it) and we started praying more and I must say each and every day my testimony grows and grows and my faith in prayer gets stronger and stronger I am completely happy with where my life is now and I love it.

I know this has been a long one but I wanted to a lil catch up if you say. but also one thing I don't know if any of you have read my other blog but its all about my PCOS ( polycycstic ovarian syndrom) but I have been trying to have a baby for 8+ yrs now and due to my PCOS it has been really hard to conceive and any one with PCOS would know. but I am happy to announce that we are finally having a baby YEAYEEE!!! so I will be blogging about that journey in my other blog. 

I am exreamly excited for this new relieved journey ahead of me and can't wait to share it with you all.

Thanks for reading xoxo

     Hokulani

Ok..... so i have not been on for a little bit but that is because i have been busy but i recently got a new camera and i have been trying to test out its settings and  see how things work and then this past thurs i recently went to my first concert . heck yea it was freakn crazy i think i am addicted now hahaha i don't think that that is a good thing lol but i hope that i can get to go to another one .lol the person in concert was tpain he was pretty cool i liked it but other then that my life hasn't been to amazing . the weather is starting to get a little warmer now in  utah and its making me feel like i should try again and attempting my gardening skills lol but lets see how that woks out . ne ways i think in my last post i had said that i am going to make another blog about my pictures so as soon as i get more knowledge on my camera i will go out and explore because it is what i like to to do any ways i think that is about all ok ...


bye ,
hokulani

another day

Today is a day that i feel like i have more to occupy my time and take control of what i want out of life . most of all i am hoping that my mother gets me this camera which is going to be great. cause  i plan on making a blog with just pictures and then set my pictures up in a place where i can sell them and hopefully they get bought. my other idea is to  make some baked goods and sell them not your original type of baked goods. but i hope to make my life different cause i have to do something if no one will hire me i mean really i am tired of not having a job and not doing anything so we will see how far i will get. ne ways well see how the rest of my day goes.


bye ,
hokulani

COMING BACK/START OVER

SO, i have not been on here in a while due to me slacking....

but i am hoping to make a big come back because i have now more to talk about then i ever have which is weird in its own way because i never have much to say lol ne ways . from start to finish i have been out of work of about 6-7 months now and i am really anxious n and ants'y and some what depressed because i can't seem to get work and normally i am the one who is out of the house making money and doing the job but now i am stuck at home with nothing to do and bored as fuck ..sorry .. ne ways during this time that i have been home i have noticed my self becoming more and more un happy and angry but i have tried to find some ways of fixing it which by the way all of them are thoughts and none of them i have followed trough with. So hopefully i can make it happen soon. well as far as me woking on my weight and health i have done alot better but with in the pass couple of days i have been slacking because i am even more ugh then i have ever been. but i am trying to work on it cause seeing as thought my husband goes to work and when he comes home he doesn't want to spend time with me or go any where i seem to be stuck in an even bigger rut then before so for now my thoughts keep me occupied lol. but with all those thoughts i have had the opportunity to come up with alot of ideas and ways to make it happen and i think the one thing that will help boost that is making my blog even more noticeable so as soon as all my thoughts go to play i think i will try to start making money off of this and work my way around finding other ways soon so yea..
but for now i am stuck were i am at till i decide to move .. and since i have no job i need to also find other ways to meet new ppl and make different friends well that is all for now till next time ..

bye ,
hokulani

catching up

I am trying to keep up with posting and writing about me but its becoming hard because i just found out that i have no kind of self motivation or self discipline  .. all i know is that i need to keep up but my life has not been to exciting so i hope that i can think of some thing to write about i am learning tho how to keep my image in suitable manner but we'll see how this all works out ..i have found a few shows that are very interesting but ne ways this is all i feel like writing ...till next time..

hokulani